Isn't making a smoking section
in a restaurant like making a peeing section in
a swimming pool?
If 8 out of 10 people
SUFFER from hemorrhoids...does that mean that 2
enjoy them?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as
adults enjoy adultery?
If love is blind, why is
lingerie so popular?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and
oversee mean opposite things?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest
sentence in the English language. Could it be
that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred
and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians
denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree
surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees
take coffee breaks?
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
Last night I played a
blank tape at full blast. The mime next door
went nuts.
Videos
Drink up
Kung Fu kick
OOOps
Pissed off
Unexpected tit flash
Another accidental tit flash
Not what ya expect
why you shouldn't drink
Over head shot, but different
Just plane freaky
This is very good
Another OOOps
Bad car
Bad dog
there's a full moon out tonight
Burn
Internet help desk
(large file, be patient, worth the
wait)
OUCH!!
Jim Carrey as Vanilla ice
Nice scare
Lion gets delivery
A snuggles scare bear
Another reason not to drink
Don't always believe what you read
If someone did this to me, I'd kill
Crazy Penguin
Blowjob
psych
I had no idea this ever happened
No revenge for you!!
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While
having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their
moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a
nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes
apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says
"Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue
and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up
the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers
and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick
with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent
spasm and the obstruction flies out of her
mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly
walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that
there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
Push the play
button then read along with it
One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning
I go down to eat a
breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces
of toast .she brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces".
She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand,
I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me: "you better
not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". I do not even know this
lady and she call me a sonnawabitch!!
Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings
me a Spoon and a knief but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fock."
and she tella me ,"everyone wanna fuck." I tella her, "
you don't understand me...I wanna fork on the table." She say, "You
better not fuck on the table you sonnawabitch."
So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets
on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet."
he tell me to go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna
a sheet on my bed." He say, "You better not shit on the bed,
you sonnawabitch."
I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said,"Peace
on you." and I say," Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth."
I gonna back to Italy!
GHETTO VOCABULARY
Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is
Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each
vocabulary word in a sentence
1. HOTEL- I gave my girlfriend crabs and da ho
tel everybody.
2. DICTATE- My girlfriend say my dictate good.
3. CATACOMB- I saw Don King at da fight da other
night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
4. FORECLOSE- If I pay alimony today, I got no
money foreclose.
5. RECTUM- I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch
rectum both.
6. DISAPPOINTMENT- My parole officer tol' me if
I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to
da joint.
7. PENIS- I went to da doctors and he handed me
a cup and said penis.
8. ISRAEL- Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say,
"man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that
watch israel".
9 UNDERMINE- There's a fine lookin' ho living in
da apartment undermine.
10.ACOUSTIC- When I was little, my uncle bought
me acoustic and took me to da poolhall.
11.IRAQ- When we got to da poolhall, I tol' my
uncle iraq, you break.
12.STAIN- My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed
her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
13.FORTIFY- I axed this ho on da street, "how
much?" she say "fortify."
14.INCOME- I just got in bed wif da ho and
income my wife.
Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic
word:
Today's word is: OMELETTE. Let us use it in a
sentence.
"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but
omelette dis one slide."
While I was flying down the road yesterday
(only 10 mph over) I noticed a cop with a radar
gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled
me over, walked up to the car and asked me,
"What's the hurry?"
I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said
the cop, "what do you do?"
I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop said "What?? A rectum stretcher?
What does a rectum stretcher do?"
I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I
work my way up to two fingers, then three, then
four, then my whole hand, then I work until I
can get both hands in there and then I slowly
stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."
The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with
a 6 foot asshole?"
I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and
park him on top of a bridge..."
